Scattered matter...

School is a strange force to reckon with in my mind.  I seem so capable of doing what is needed, laying out meticulous plans, and yet I reach the moment of action and bring forth little to nothing.  I am quite positive I have been lulled by something innocuous in my life, but whether I can comprehend it or not, I must still move forward.

I definitely need to sleep more and eat more often.  I would not be surprised if demons were at the gates of my very own heart and mind.  Critical paths are tied to my feet, though they will not wander too far into the forbidden fields with me.  

So now the question arises:  what is the most important thing I am neglecting that is causing my inaction?

New Announcement

I will be performing at the Salt Palace in Salt Lake City one of my new modern dance pieces titled "What's Love Got To Do With It?" @ 7:12 pm this Friday. Any and all are welcome. Please come and revel in life and rhythm.

Yes!

"Some Hearts Are True"

Blind Blind Blind - Thee Silver Mount Zion Memorial Orchestra & Tra-La-La Band

Donuts

It's self-explanatory. Really.

RAW vs. JPEG

Something I made a while ago. Random and random, amen.

Star Wars According To A 3 Year Old

Mid-term Destructionface

I slept in this morning until 9:50, and almost missed my first mid-term for my Introduction to Music class. I made it there with just enough time to breeze through the test and then correct it (which he had us do). I got 23 out of 30, or roughly 76%. Kind of sucks. And my head hurts, but now it's upwards into the celestial orbs for to open my mind to U.S. history. I need to do well on my U.S. history mid-term at 1 pm or else I might be sad for like a day or two.

I then have a Spanish chapter test at 2 pm, and I have to tell that I really have lost a lot of what I learned last semester. I hope I can at least remember how to conjugate a few verbs. O sad day! Where wast thy preparation?

Wah wah.

The FBI Deputizes Business

"Today, more than 23,000 representatives of private industry are working quietly with the FBI and the Department of Homeland Security. The members of this rapidly growing group, called InfraGard, receive secret warnings of terrorist threats before the public does—and, at least on one occasion, before elected officials. In return, they provide information to the government, which alarms the ACLU. But there may be more to it than that. One business executive, who showed me his InfraGard card, told me they have permission to “shoot to kill” in the event of martial law.

InfraGard is “a child of the FBI,” says Michael Hershman, the chairman of the advisory board of the InfraGard National Members Alliance and CEO of the Fairfax Group, an international consulting firm."

Read more of the article here

Bush To Cut Public Broadcasting

Apparently for the last eight years President Bush has attempted to reduce funding to the Corporation for Public Broadcasting. The following link has more detailed information about the action in 2008 and a form to contact your senators. With media consoladation as a large concern of mine, I support all campaigns to stop mega-corporations from monopolizing news, education, and entertainment mediums. Give the article a read and get involved, intellectually and physically:

Tell Congress: Reject Bush's Cuts to Public Broadcasting

PS---Rep. Chris Cannon (R-UT) is a relatively strong voice for media independence statewide and nationally, just got an email from him about this topic actually, good man.

The Favorite Color Yellow

Upon watching the press conference of the newly constituted First Presidency, I was very surprised to hear President Thomas S. Monson explain that yellow is indeed his favorite color.

I was then browsing around some art blogs earlier today and happened to read about an interview on NPR with Eric Carle, of children's book fame, in which he also stated that yellow is his favorite color. Both American, both love yellow. Both are really fabulous people, though Carle still charges a lot for his books.

This is truly a great day for similarities. I wonder if I could like yellow too.

Solemn

This is a new song I made up while sitting at the piano in the Institute chapel. It's rough, and some tracks are too loud, but overall I like it. I want to combine big classical sound with electronica. Anyhow, hope you people like it.

Solemn - Tod Robbins

[A direct link now. Try and right/control click and "Save As" to download it]

CLANSMENWO OF THE ________ (THAT'S INCLUSIVE OF THE WO-MAN FOLK AS WELL)

My proclamation is thus:

Four-score and approximately eleven days times three divided by two thirds is exactly when our country was attacked by dark wizards. I don't mean ethnic, but I DO mean dark. We must regather ourselves, light our beards as a candle to the dreary road and press on like a Zeus-fist. I elect the new month of February as the month of love-hate. Hating those who love, and loving those who hate.

Firstly, hate love as love, for dark wizards always want the puppies to be admired. Though a black wind blows, and kisses abound, never shall we as clansmenwo trade our morning salad and eggs for the likes of a walk on the beach. Nay, we shall never ACQUIESCE!

Secondly, love hate as the dying pools of Mythrondyl fade into the everpast so shall we stand by "WITH ARMS WIDE OPEN!" to embrace the Second Law of Thermodynamics and all things decaying. Love the haters, the bros, the warlocks, the Jews, & the Crude.

(This proclamation is pending upon common consent of the Poet's Guild February Congress of 2008)

Book-lovers, Smellers, and Warriors...

I recently stopped by the Savers in Orem and scored a good 6 or 7 books for just under $5. Ranging from the history of the Relief Society (printed in 1966) to Scottish emigrants, all in all the finding was quite pleasing. I suggest any of you stop by if you enjoy nonfiction works, they have plenty interesting works.

The smelliness of Savers is to be expected and yet can be reveled in. There are a sufficient amount of hipsters, emo-kids, and the like perusing the aisles, but fear not good ladies and knights: the victory is yours as you exercise the lightning eyes of the puma. Etc. and etc.

Attorney General Michael Mukasey Refuses to Say if Waterboarding is Torture, Illegal

"Attorney General Michael Mukasey has refused again to say whether waterboarding is a form of torture or is illegal. On Wednesday Mukasey testified before the Senate Judiciary Committee for the first time since the Senate confirmed his nomination to be Attorney General.

Mukasey admitted waterboarding would feel like torture if it was done to him but he refused to say whether it would be illegal for a foreign country to waterboard a U.S. citizen.

He told Senator Joseph Biden, that the cruelty of torture must be balanced “against the information you might get.” During the hearing Mukasey repeatedly came under harsh questioning from both Democrats and Republicans."

Check it out (transcript, mp3, podcast) on Democracy Now!

Beloved Church President, Gordon B. Hinckley, Dies at 97

Beloved Church President, Gordon B. Hinckley, Dies at 97

I was obviously saddened to hear the passing of such a wonderful person. President Hinckley has blessed the lives of millions as a prophet, seer, and revelator. I know he was and is a prophet appointed by God to lead the people of this earth to salvation and exaltation. I also know that the Church will continue in similar fashion to bring the message of the plan of salvation to all people, even after losing such a great man. What a blessing it is to behold light for light, and to be comforted by an unseen Spirit as to the eventuality of my future existence, and the great glory God has for all His children through His Son Jesus Christ.

Concerning the last three posts

These posts are some of my older poems, between 2-6 months old. Anyhow, I hope someone appreciates them who has not read them before. My mind is a labyrinth at times and so the symbolism does not quite carry as far as I might think it does. Please feel free to comment on them.

Through shaded veil and pine

Through shaded veil and pine,
To a shoreline of black snow,
I cursed the sky and wept while my ears hurried and sighed.

I then feared drowning more than cars.
I slid along the asphalt road,
Like a sound innocuous and cold.
I returned a donee of grace divine,
Resting on a love that held in the cry:

O God! Condescend to calm the heart and mind of Your child so resigned!

He answered in a calm: what, My son, is time?

Your blood fell on ground you laid

Your blood fell on ground you laid with love that exited from the pours of Your mind to work over the chaos.

Your formations caressed light and set one son here and another fainted.

Whose hands bled when another fainted and resigned in a car?
Whose heart burst when one son wandered alone with black eyes, with Lucifer and his snowy waters?
Whose voice cried out? Which voice cried out?

When caressed light fainted and One Son fell to catch the resigned, I felt it.

I agreed to lay down broken me, and then I agreed to take the mass and heave it with the chaos He worked over.

He bled with the mass and we felt that bust down the veils, the walls, and then worlds clapped when resignation turned over to heightened light.

How can a man wrestle the history of a nation and make his own unique?

How can a man wrestle the history of a nation and make his own unique? I often wonder if being a super-human has the potential of being something more than the title, or if my legacy will simply be a series of comic books faded by the suburban dissonance, by the consumer's prophets.

I eat an apple, a biscuit, my empty stomach as well, and find myself traveling to grass and stone, a sword in abbey. I am wrestling with history and a man who says the most asinine words in the primeval hours of fog. You can take back a gift, but you most certainly cannot take back the historian inside man. We analyze and forge a view of the viscera, the night colours, and the bleak horizons that must be trembling at the core of every character. This becomes our worldview when no argument of battle is heard on the carpet, in the dining room, or on the fields of trial.

I feel it is appropriate to be ill for the month to come. I hold the opinions in and let Columbia or Harvard take their swipes, their lugs, their essays, and bury me with the journals and letters, the apple core. I am a simple and struggling gentleman, yet a donee of new bones and flesh.

Sledding With Books

This is the most fun I've had outdoors for a good while. We used old text books Ryan had in the trunk of his car and used them until the covers ripped off. John (Boss) fell off a lot, Ryan went really fast, and I was mostly believable and pleased.

I love sledding with books.

The Abundant Life

I recently read a talk given by President Spencer W. Kimball that I found quite edifying. He focused on Christ's teaching found in John 10:10, "I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly." He discusses how we can find that life and how we can serve others with the individuality we have within us. I heartily recommend it to all:

The Abundant Life

Intro to Public History

I just had a crash course in public history tonight as we convened for our first class period of the semester. I am quite pumped up for learning about all the fields of work within the public history umbrella: historical consulting, multimedia history, site preservation, document preservation, historical societies, archivists, historical parks, museums, family history & genealogy. All very exciting and mostly new, but it got me in the mood for searching online archives and the like.

I happened upon this Yiddish copy of "All Quiet on the Western Front" and had to post the cover. It is amazing to read about within the archivist world how the Internet, though massive and increasing in the amount of documents in digital form, there still is a huge lack of connection between all of the information. For instance: you have an archive in London that has uploaded all these emigration documents from the 1880s, but then the autobiography by some well-known poet, found on the University of Minnesota online special collections,
which describes his immigration to the U.S. in the 1880s is not connected via a simple web link. Anyhow, that all probably seems contrived, but it does mean something: that even though there is a ton of information on the Internet now, (primary source documents and such) there is still a huge gap in connecting all of this information to itself. Yeah...

If that didn't make sense to you, it probably won't make sense to me when I re-read this is like a day or so. Ha.

Hot tubbing?

When I was looking for Boss earlier this afternoon, I entered the UVSC Bookstore to discover him but instead heard a young fellow inviting his female friend to come "hot tubbing" with him this evening. In all likelihood, she is in a hot tub with the gent now. I have one slight problem with all of this, maybe it's a mind battle with colloquialisms.

I may be incorrect, but a person cannot actually "hot tub." Though it is true a man, woman, or an it, can enter or descend into a hot tub, a person cannot "hot tub." Colloquially, it is possible to do just about anything but alas I cannot bring myself to conquer this lion for the sake of the future nerd babies of my loins. I simply remained baffled by sweaty, figure-hugging, informal, water-time-space-sharing a la "hot tubbing."

I remain yours, yet pretentious as a lamb in foggy London.

A Good Start To School, and A Date

Thursday and Friday classes have now been experienced, and I rather enjoyed them. I really like my Peoples and Cultures of the Andes class, it's an anthropology course. Anyhoo, things are looking up and the semester should be a delight, Turkish even!

Pamela and Tod (me) went for a jog in the area, lively stuff. We had dinner and watched I Am Sam. I really enjoy this film, maybe it has to do with my association with men like the one portrayed by Mr. Sean Penn. He unfortunately is marginalized because he is a thinking man, and happens not to like President Bush.

Well... Before the film we went to the library and I randomly grabbed this book and was thoroughly amazed and dismayed by the images. A wonderful collection of a foggy age in U.S. history. Ta ta!

Having the holly jolly holidays

I am in Benton City, Washington, and totally having a blast with Pamela, my gorgeous fiance, and her family. Our Christmas day was very relaxed and fun. I dressed up as a present from Santa for Pamela, she was quite surprised I was in the wrapping paper when she got close enough to recognize me. I enjoyed surprising her.

The last few days have been full of good food and fun games. I learned how to play Rook and Quidler, both amazing and great. Mom and Dad Beus got us some great new board games to play, though Pamela has schooled me at every one so far, ha!

I am loving life and thrilled for the new year to come and for my soul to expand and encompass all the goodness that I can experience. God bless us all.

A clear statement

Comments? I really enjoy Elder Ballard. Notice John: he said libertarians can be faithful members of the Church. How about that? ;-)

New layout and...

The wedding has been postponed while Tod confronts personal demons and fights them with hot iron and smiles. I am full of joy and time is so insignificant to me as this phase of existence continually seems as a sliver to me. The eternities are large and I am loved by many. I wish you people could spend a moment inside me. It really is fantastic and terrible all at once, and then you would just want that ice cream, that eternally sweet and smooth experience. Life is definitely worth every moment, especially the crying-type moments.

Well here is a wonderful picture of Pamela and myself outside the Provo Utah Temple last Wednesday. I love her, and even though I am a goober she loves me too. What a life!

Rough weekend but...

Things are certainly looking up and I feel alive and vibrant. Some events have shaken my reality but others have allowed me to challenge constructs that are harmful to my existence. I challenge the reality of incapability/incapacity within my own self. I am a being of eternal nature, though subject to certain laws and forces, I am able to rise above all shadow and shine brighter than any lightning. God is real. He is my Father. I am His son. I have power to challenge constructs, words, feelings, and histories. I will be what is necessary for the earth, for my earthly and heavenly kin.

This Old House: Provisional

Just over two weeks before I depart from Hot Strudel to marriage and cohabitation. Yes, yes, yes. I accept all the futurity of such wonderment, with all of its glorious consequences.

I happen to be in a fit of insomnia tonight (this morning), but I will change of course, as this kind of existence is transient and prohibits any sort of fullness of energy coming to my person.

I also feel like the coming weeks will show that I can be stable. No exacts about what "stable" means, but I am happy to announce that I feel such clarity as I have not known in all my life. The clarity is intellectual, emotional, spiritual, and even physical. I am ready for cancer, car accidents, hard drive failures, embarrassing stories being told about me, finding gold in my flower bed, riding a unicorn into a glowing morn', fly gently with a staff in my hand, or more preferably and ultimately: living a whole life full of bliss with Pamela Beus-soon-to-be-Mrs. Robbins, nights and days of worlds without end.

There Will Be Blood

I saw a trailer for a really neat film coming out soon. It's called There Will Be Blood, and it's based on the Upton Sinclair novel Oil!, which is pretty intense from what I gather. It's about turn-of-the-20th-century oil mining. Anyhow, Jonny Greenwood (of Radiohead) composed the soundtrack, which is amazing from every second I have heard. And I present to you this film trailer:



Daniel Day-Lewis!

O Brick Oven!

Emily invited myself and Ryan to Brick Oven. I felt great about my shirtfit, and we had a great time. Our waiter was from the Czech Republic (that's my guesstamation), and she was totally flirting with Ryan, ha.

I think I ate too much, and had bowel disturbances later in the evening. Though I must say: I love ice cream and apple cobbler. Yummers.

It might just be...

Early morning? Sure. Sleep isn't going to happen yet, but I think I am on the right track. I love guitar music. I have been listening to some amazing solo guitar pieces, just classically-golden! Maybe I'll get fancy and post one or two. I am really loving this music blog Motel de Moka lately. They/he/she posts very neat music. Yummers.

Night of the Living Us

Democrats...

Unnecessary Force

Too Much Math

I am having just a horrible time with Math 1010 but alas, I must prevail. I think I will buy a lot of useless things and then return them, and then do some push-ups, sit-ups, and pull-ups. This will give me certain constants and variables with which to plug-in to said math. Then, only then, will I truly have an application of principle. Nevermind, that was a shoddy attempt of a post, but I am mainly trying to outdo John Hurst these days. What a handsome gentleman!

The Electric Car

My group presentation went well in my Ethics & Values class today. I also ate some sandwiches, and an apple. I basically am ready to fly somewhere, or maybe just get married. No, both.

Tired like a mule

I am about to sleep for a bit, but wanted to greet the universe with a kiss of friendship!

I am nearly to my wedding to Pamela, and we are almost sure we have a place to live now! School is moving along and I feel really optimistic about my future and the good I can do with good intent.

I was happy to see Referendum 1 defeated in the statewide vote. I hope something more comprehensive will be presented in the future as to viable options for education in this complex time. I may be an idealist, voting as one perhaps, but I claim no exclusive knowledge. I am ready to change my opinions when I feel it to be progressive to my nature and those directly affected by my actions. I also freely admit to being stubborn about stubborn people. I have work to do, inward and outward, and know it will be done as I do. Done as I do?

Farewell for a bit.

Finally

I am living the life of a wonder. I love my life, except for some of my procrastination, but I will conquer and slay all the dragons and puppies that stand in the path of my nation's interests.

I bought my chocolate-brown suit, shirt, tie, shoes, etc. for the upcoming wedding. Math test tomorrow and possibly Indian food to sensualize my existence even further.

Long live the Arcade Fire and Radiohead's "Reckoner." Amen. New week go!

Offended? Amazed.

I am completely and thoroughly offended by John H. Esquire and will continue to find a way into his brain to assault his ego and intelligence... I actually think he is an amazingly kind man, though his heart can be the most confusing part of this world.

How I wonder about whether his supposed 'tag' of my blog is valid to my existence,
or whether I will find my own way
quietly tucked into the vast fabric of the space blanket.

These are the questions my mind wanders about on. I think I will hear the good news of my arrival at the Death Star in approximately ten minutes. Democracy now!

Losing My Mind, But How I Love Order

I believe in sleep, but I have heavier beliefs in gold and hazy eye visions. Yes, I am a dreamer of the nocturnal vicissitudes, or something. I have work and then union in the evening. I have a reunion Friday night and in-flow on Saturday and Sunday. Free Burma!

U.S. Campaign for Burma in Provo/Orem

I, with the help of one other, will be seeking to inform other UVSC students about the situation in Burma and hopefully gain some more support from the locals. We will be handing out information sheets and have a petition to sign.

I do not understand why UVSC will remove you from the campus if you distribute handbills without club sponsorship. This is what I was told earlier this afternoon. I do not see the legality of it when the college is a state run facility as opposed to a private institution, or so I believe.

And a forward I go with the peace and prosperity of my brothers and sisters in the fore-mind.

A note to my dearest John

In a brief conversation John H. told me that some people like eating Lucky Charms with whole milk. I will respond for everyone:

Getting kicked in the stomach of your soul is obviously great, especially in obtaining the grand end of metaphysical Hulk Hoganism. Therefore, eating the sweetness of marshmallows and grain imitations also would be comparable to "great".

End of line.

Macbook Tod Died

My new Macbook had a horrible weekend and the hard drive died Saturday night. I lost all of my transcriptions of Scottish documents from my trip this summer. I lost all my photos of said trip, and a bunch of poems/prose I wrote whilst in the very land.

This kind of winded me and I am still trying to understand why it happened now and what I am to learn from it. I am changing a lot of colors to rainbows; meaning: I learn every day that life is not complete without trial and loss, and that bliss is the return of something once lost but recovered by your other hand, the one with the gentle grip.

So more to come, but I have been kicked in the stomach of my soul, and it feels almost as good as eating Lucky Charms with whole milk.

Job = Target

I have a new job, and I am excited for this weekend. A lot interesting and joyous experiences are awaiting throughout the weekend. I will tell a funny story now:

I was coaxed into wearing something that John Hurst will forever regret recommending to me. I will shoot laser-icicle beams at his soul. The end.

More to come soon.

Jobless

Having a frustrating time finding any sort of work. I still love my life and am really thankful for cheese, crackers, and salsa. I also love Maximo Park. The end.

The Return of Tod

I am now upon the internet in full emailing, bookmarking, commenting, downloading, article reading, glorious force. So I am what I am and that means: I ate food and was allowed preserved life. I am about to start a semester and hope the world of knowledge will bow before me as I exert Herculean effort. I will report back shortly.

Festival of Colors

Not until the demon is burning!



It's concrete.





Colors.



Reflecting upon reflections.



May the light of our stridence still shine.

Monday Math I

 

Hare Krishna

Mmm... New photos to be posted probably tomorrow. I'm just too tired to post. Yes, this is a post, but the photo posting takes more time minutes.


---Tod

At Last The Crew Is Revealed

Thanks to those who placed there beings in my relative context. I really enjoyed myself and attempted to grow facial hair in near -30 degree weather. Thank you manfacehood.

Buzz Me In For Staring

Walking Down-Uptown To Graham's

To Le Calgary City

I Guess I'm Floating - Oh No! Oh My!

Up in the sky with a Scottish Lethbridgite Woman, my common co-pilot to my old stay. The land revisted and the man blooming like a mouse-tiger.

Tod Robbins: MySpace Musicworld...

So I've posted a couple of my recent songs on a MySpace music page. Hopefully you all, every one of you who may have ever looked on this blogness ever even ever... will like what you hear and leave me some comments even. I miss lots of you people all over the world and love is a feeling we just don't understand but we'll give it to you. Uh... Bye.

http://www.myspace.com/todrobbins


---Tod

Canyon Flowers II

 

Canyon Flowers I

 

Treecar